Forgiveness: Matthew 18.21-35

Pastor Deb Troester, STHPC, Sept. 17, 2023

Last month the Mercury News reported on a road rage dispute that began on a freeway near Pleasanton and ended in bloodshed in a town 25 miles away. Sadly it seems that we often hear of  incidents like this. Probably we would never be tempted to murder, but just this week someone told me she wasn’t speaking to her next-door neighbors because they were so hard to get along with. I can sympathize – we had a neighbor who fed pigeons on her balcony – which was right above ours! And how many times do we get mad about something we saw on the news or the internet? We know that some news outlets and websites purposely try to make people angry so that they will keep watching or keep clicking. Studies have shown that anger is the most effective emotion at getting content shared online.

Of course, getting angry per se is not a sin – it’s what you do with your anger that matters. The phrase, “Don’t get mad – get even” is NOT in the Bible. Yet, it’s human nature to want to get back at someone when they do something that hurts us. But Jesus taught that we must forgive. Peter asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” That  probably seemed pretty generous to Peter, but Jesus answers, no, Peter, “not seven times, but seventy-seven.” In the Bible, seventy-seven is a symbol for infinity. In other words, there is no limit. God doesn’t keep score of how many times He forgives us. As children of our heavenly Father, we must treat one another as God has treated us; if God forgives without limit, so should we.

The parable that we just read shows that it matters a great deal to God that we forgive one another. In it, the king represents God. We are the first servant, who had a huge debt forgiven – millions of dollars in today’s money. When the man whose large debt was forgiven refused to forgive someone who owed him a much smaller amount, the king was extremely angry. Jesus teaches that those of us who have experienced God’s grace and mercy are expected to extend forgiveness to others - not seven times, or even seventy-seven times, but every time.

To forgive means “to stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense or mistake; to give up any resentment, compensation, or retaliation...Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.” And, I would add, the ability to do good to the person who offended them, even to pray for that person. As Paul teaches in Romans 12:20-21:“if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink…Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Now, just to clear something up, forgiveness does not mean trusting those who violated our trust or allowing someone to keep on hurting us. We can wish someone well and pray for them without putting ourselves in the position to be hurt again.

For example, a woman can forgive her husband for beating her, but she is not obligated to continue living with him if he doesn’t change his ways.

Most of us, as Christians, know we should forgive others. But how? Today I’m going to share some thoughts that have helped me. As the parable demonstrates, we are to forgive because we, too, are sinners – nobody’s perfect. Putting things in perspective also helps – relationships are valuable, and forgiveness and reconciliation can mend a broken relationship. Forgiveness can actually release us from suffering.

Perhaps most importantly, we forgive because God has forgiven us. In the “Lord’s Prayer” Jesus teaches us to pray, “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us.” There is the implication that God will not forgive our sins if we don’t forgive the sins of others. Today’s parable supports that idea. All of us are sometimes in the wrong. We hurt other people. We hurt ourselves. We leave undone many things we should do. That’s why we have a time of confession in the worship service. We admit that we are not perfect – only God is perfect. And we ask God for forgiveness. But then comes the assurance of pardon: all those sins that have made me feel so bad – God has forgiven them! Because of what Jesus did on the cross, all our sins are forgiven. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” But we should not take this amazing gift of forgiveness for granted. Because God has forgiven each of us, we must also forgive one another.

It makes it easier to forgive others if I remember that I’m not perfect. One morning as I was in a hurry to get work, another driver pulled out in front of me and made me slow down. I was angry. Then a voice came to my mind, “Deb, how many times have you pulled out in front of someone like that? Haven’t you done the exact same thing? So why should you be angry with her? Forgive her and go on in peace.” Ever since then I have tried to do that and just let it go if someone cuts me off. We cannot know what another person is thinking, what difficulties they may have been through, or why they might have acted a certain way. If we give ourselves a break, why not give someone else a break, too?

Speaking of giving someone a break, sometimes we need to give ourselves a break, too. Forgiving yourself can be one of the hardest things to do. But if God has forgiven us, who are we to say that we are not forgiven, that we are still guilty. As Psalm 103 says, “As far as the East is from the West, so far has God has removed our sins from us.”

Maybe you have heard, “don’t criticize someone until you have walked a mile in his shoes.” Years ago Joe and I were robbed at gunpoint by three young men, really just teenagers. I have never committed a crime such as this, but maybe if I had been raised as they were, who knows, maybe in a broken home, in poverty, with little adult guidance, I might do the same. I was blessed to be raised by parents who taught me wrong from right, gave me a good education and took me to church. Maybe those young men never had those advantages. Let God be the judge. I can forgive and let go. My mother always said, “There but for the grace of God go I.”

Being robbed is a big thing, and can be hard to forgive. But often we allow little things to build up, and that can make our lives miserable. For example, a family member used something of ours without asking. A co-worker didn’t speak to us. We didn’t get invited to a party or a family get-together. Life is too short to bear a grudge. In other words, we need to extend just a little bit of grace to others who have hurt our feelings. This isn’t easy; it requires a bit of maturity. But God is calling us to do this – to value our relationships more than any petty disagreements. Suppose someone is late and I am waiting for her. Instead of being angry when she arrives, I can be thankful that she didn’t have an accident, that she’s not late because she was sick or her child was sick. We have a choice. We can be angry or we can be thankful and glad that this person is in our lives, safe, and sound. Our loved ones and friends are valuable to us – let’s forgive them when they annoy or hurt us.

Also, forgiveness frees us from suffering. When we let go of our desire to get back at someone, we are the one who is freed. Not forgiving is like eating poison and expecting that the other person will die. We poison our own souls if we nourish an unforgiving spirit in our hearts. Forgive the person who has wronged you. If you retaliate, you may end up doing more harm. My mother used to say, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” Remembering this adage has kept me from doing many things I would later have regretted. “Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.” Our part is to forgive. Leave the judging to God.

If anyone had reason to retaliate, it was Joseph. His own brothers sold him into slavery into Egypt. There he suffered for many years, including being unjustly imprisoned. Eventually his fortunes changed, and he was elevated to a position of wealth and power, as Pharaoh’s top advisor. When his brothers came to Egypt many years later, begging for grain to save their families from starvation during a famine, Joseph could have put to death or in prison. Instead he forgave them, saying, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good” – to save the lives of many who would otherwise have perished in the famine.

The good news today – the great news, in fact – is that God forgives us. We don’t have to do anything to earn that forgiveness – it is the free gift of God’s grace. All of us will sometimes do things that are wrong. God is like a good parent who corrects their children and shows them the right way – our heavenly parent who will always love and forgive us. There is nothing we can do that will make God stop loving us. So, rejoice! We are forgiven. Then we forgive each other out of gratitude that God has forgiven us. If we can put this parable into practice, we will be much happier people and more like Jesus. And, just maybe, the grace of God will shine through our lives and draw others to faith in Christ.

This morning I would like to challenge you. If you need to forgive someone, today is a good day to do it. If you need to ask for forgiveness, don’t wait until it’s too late. Do it today. God will help you find the right words. Even if the other person doesn’t respond the way you might wish, God will bless you because you have done what is right and is pleasing to God. We are forgiven. Let’s forgive each other. Glory to God! Amen.

© Deborah Troester, 2023